Standard Setters

He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harms.

I guess that statement covers it and I don’t need to re-emphasise the importance of good choice regards companions.

I’ve got a friend named Alex. He’s a master at time management. Spending time with him inevitably put me in a position where I had to look at myself and, once I saw the gulf in productivity, desire to change. In fact, when we hung out a lot I could actually see said changes in my lifestyle. The man would always be early to whatever event we were going to. That is when I noticed how lax I was when it came to being early. He had playtime of course, like any sane aspiring engineer has to have, but he didn’t give himself hits of dopamine without reason. It was all calculated, the important, everlasting things were prioritised and were allocated more time from his day; the instant, self-gratifying things were at the bottom of the list and were often saved for a few hours at the end of the day… sometimes a few minutes even. It felt like – like he could stretch out time. His minutes were what hours are to the regular Joe. Around someone who seemingly has their life together in a way most don’t, it’s easy to become enamoured and sooner or later, to be placed between a rock and a hard place. The place where you were before no longer being enough.

A word of caution: don’t run. It’s easy to see a bar a friend has raised and think it’s too high; due to laziness or the fear of failure you may start to withdraw. Don’t do that. Let positive peer pressure do its job instead. If you stick with good friends long enough – you’ll find yourself thanking God for them.

See you tomorrow.

Grounded Roots

Approx 1 min read

In this, the final chapter of our communication series I would like to discuss something that flies under the radar but is all important. This is the spreading of rumours and the peddling of unfounded information as if it is fact.

I fell into this category for a long time. Because I was gullible (and evidently lazy to actually research and find out the real truth) I would pass on information I had heard as fact, without ever ascertaining if it was so. This came to a head when I was told by someone that the star of ‘My Wife and Kids’, Damon Wayans, had passed away. They said he had cancer, hence the bald head. I believed it – it made sense and that was enough for me. For years I would tell anyone that listened that bit of information as if it was fact. It wasn’t. In fact it was disproven by someone I had brainwashed to believe it, my little sister. She says she found out when someone from her class brought it up and when she checked on the internet – Damon Wayans was alive and well… years after I had claimed he was dead. So, whenever I said something, she would no longer believe it as readily as she used to.

This is the crux of the issue. Never communicate things you do not know to be true, lest you lose trust over spewing falsehoods, unintentionally or otherwise. Do your research – then speak.

Get excited. Tomorrow we start a new series entitled: Friends.

Stay awesome!

From The Depths Of The Heart The Mouth Speaks

Less than 1 min read

From The Depths Of The Heart The Mouth Speaks

This is such a simple yet profound truth. Garbage in = garbage out. Feed your heart with light and you’ll flood the world with brightness. Feed your heart with darkness and you’ll be a gloomy presence that spews hurtful garbage from what’s supposed to be a gift – your mouth.

I appreciate you working out for the benefit of your physique but if you will take my advice, please work on that inner part of yourself, your heart, even more.

PS said with all the love in the world.

See you tomorrow!

Stay awesome.

Importance Of Confidence

Confidence:
●Helps prevent or protect against depression
●Able to take risks, increasing opportunities
●Rejection disappoints you less
●Reduces anxiety
●You can feel good when you are alone
●Better social interactions
●Eliminates jealousy
●Makes you more attractive
Sold yet?
Confidence QuoteConf qoute 2Conf quote 3

Lying Is Good For You: Building Habits

Starting a habit isn’t always easy. The proof is in the number of people who say they want to start a new habit who don’t actually end up doing so. Or maybe they’ll start but stop before it’s really become a habit.

Habit – a regular tendency that is hard to give up.

Lally’s study claims that it takes anywhere between 18 days to 254 days to form a new habit.

How can one actually achieve such a feat that requires an incredible amount of discipline? First of all we have to acknowledge that it is difficult to maintain something just because we see the benefit of it in the future. If you are one of those people that can do it by just intentionally making the decision, kudos to you! If you are like me then you have to use a different way. The good news is it works just as well. Here it is… it’s time to lie again!

There’s this story about a mouse that’s put in a cage. Scientists would ring a bell at a certain time and then put cheese in the cage. Over time the mouse associated the sound of the shrill bell with cheese and would come out of its little house when the bell was rung and wait, even if the cheese wasn’t forthcoming. The bell didn’t sound attractive but the cheese was attractive. Over time the mouse would come out for the bell because to it the bell = cheese. We’re not mice though so what can we do? We use the horse and carrot stick method.

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Looks ridiculous right? The carrot is the reward after you’ve done the hard work of doing whatever the new habit requires you to do. This way we associate the reward with the work. For example, I love movies! When we got back from a service on Sunday that’s the first thing that I wanted to do. Unfortunately for me, I lived with very wise, orderly parents who would have me do the dishes first (after we’d made and eaten breakfast) before watching any film. Doing the dishes was work. Watching the movie was the carrot. My love for movies was so strong that I would speed through the dishes to have my carrot – ahem – I mean watch my movie. You couldn’t motivate me to do the dishes because it wasn’t something I looked forward to, but because I looked forward to watching movies, the labour of doing the dishes was no longer as hard as it seemed initially. Over time I stopped doing it as an inconvenience and started viewing it as a sort of key, a key to me watching the movies that I wanted to watch on a Sunday afternoon. I’ve used this same trick to exercise daily, write more consistently and to drink enough water each day – all things I never used to do.

So what are the practical bits you can use for you. The only thing you need to do is to make a list of the things you love. Lie to yourself until you believe that you can’t do one of those things until you’ve actioned out the habit you’re trying to build, then reward yourself with the thing you love at the end – and repeat. Make sense?

A short real-life illustration of the effectiveness of this technique:

Mom: Where are you?

Me: I’m in the kitchen. I’ve just started doing the dishes.

Mom: We’ve started watching a movie, come watch with us – you can do the dishes after.

Me: I don’t like doing dishes well after we’ve eaten. I’ll finish up fast then come watch when I’m done.

True story.

I’m a dish dog now!

See you tomorrow for Lying Is Good For You: Trumping Fear.

 

 

Lying Is Good For You

Lying is good for you! Yup you heard that right. So what does that even mean? I’m not telling you to practise perjury if you’re a lawyer or to hide evidence if you’re a cop. I’m not advising you to commit fraud or not pay taxes. I am saying you have got to lie, every single day of your life. That’s going to set you free from mental prisons, transforming you from the chicken you’ve been told you are to the eagle you were always meant to be.

Let me elaborate on what I mean. The world has given us a series of truths that have already seeped into the recesses of our minds and in most cases have shaped our view of self. You may have been branded as unintelligent, unwise, ugly, terrible at communicating and relegated to a place or position you think (or formerly thought) you don’t belong to. Allow these words to build up and be the only thing you listen to then you’ll believe them to be truth. Do you know why the words hurt you so? It’s because you’ve believed them to be the truth. If you know you are intelligent even your professor can’t make you think otherwise. If you know you are a success you won’t entertain being told you are a disappointment. If you know you are beautiful even Ms. Universe can’t put you down. But how do you know something when it isn’t ‘the truth’ based on what you hear? Simple. You lie… everyday. Tell a lie enough times – you’ll eventually believe it.

Unfortunately your way of thinking is an ensemble of the information you receive. You are bound to hear negative things daily – social media is the bullhorn of negativity. I know not everyone can extricate themselves from it like I’ve done. But you need to come up with a way to hear the ‘lie’ you want more than you hear ‘the truth’ of the world. Enter affirmations and confessions.

Daily speak the things you want. ‘Lie’ and affirm yourself with the traits you desire that you are told you don’t have. Say these things often enough to overshadow ‘the truth’ of this world.

If you can’t switch off or drown out the outside noise, pump up the volume of what you say to yourself within.

If you don’t think you can do that, find a good friend of yours to do it on your behalf. If you can’t even ask them to do that for you maybe check your friendships. I’ll talk about how to pinpoint the right friends on Friday in ‘We Are Not In This Together’.

Below are some confessions you can try out that may change your life:

I am intelligent, wise, focussed, driven, patient, creative, organised and a solution provider – I am mentally strong.

I am confident, outspoken, friendly, honest, great at listening and open-minded – I am a great communicator.

I am beautiful, handsome, kind, healthy, composed, courageous, humble, loving and loved – I am enough.

I am strong, enthusiastic, charismatic, patient, trustworthy, a role model, authentic, a visionary – I am a leader.

Add whatever you need to that list and ‘lie’ till that’s all you know!

I challenge you to test the contents of this post to see if they work or not.

See you tomorrow for part 2 of Lying Is Good For You:  Building Habits.