The “How” Of Communication

Approx 2 min read

During this communication series one of the major points I have made an effort to emphasize is the importance of the how. That is acknowledging the spirit with which we communicate, with the knowledge that the person on the other end most likely does not have any telepathic superpowers. Ridiculous right? What do I mean by that? Well, the people we interact with can’t read our minds. They can’t scrutinise our hearts… they’re just not built that way. It has got its perks. At the same time it has moments when it sucks especially when we realise that we aren’t built that way either. We aren’t telepaths. (Sorry wannabe Jean Grey, Professor X.) So what’s the big deal? Well there is a big deal. Our intentions are always up in the air to be assumed by the person on the other end of the conversation and this is done based on the way we communicate. Words matter. 100%. Calling someone fat is different from saying they are plus size. Calling someone skinny sounds several times more negative than saying they are slim. Even positive statements like gorgeous and sexy have vastly different connotations, so the words we use matter… but underneath that is the ever important fabric of the how.

To simplify this concept I’ll focus on gifts. Everyone loves gifts. Or at least they should. Gifts are a form of communication. They communicate affection. They express love. However the manner in which the gift is given is often more important than the gift. Think about the gift of a car. A car is a lovely gift. Expensive, easy to show off, practical and often necessary. 

Consider this scenario:

“Son – we wanted to do this for you because we know that you are incredibly responsible and trustworthy. You’ve displayed wonderful traits to your younger sibling and we know you’ll always make the right choice. So it is our pleasure to gladly present you with this…”

“What?”

Voilà. Car keys in a box. Maybe a letter and someone taking photos of your reaction. You’re at your favourite restaurant and it was totally unexpected.

Or…

You feel a sharp pain on your forehead. It’s six in the morning. What was that? You look on the floor. There’s a tangle of keys, most which you recognise and one which doesn’t look familiar except it has a popular logo belonging to a certain vehicle manufacturer. 

“Don’t lose the keys or eff up the car.”

The gift is the same. Perhaps the joy of the gift remains but significant value is lost in the second way of expression compared to the first.

The way things are done can be the more memorable thing. That’s why “the way he proposed” is so important. The effort and the time taken to understand the person you’re proposing to and to adequately display your affection for her is just as important as the ring… but that’s a story for a different day.

My apologies for the unannounced hiatus. I hope this rams home one of my very recent posts to do with – unannounced hiatuses 😂🙌🏾

See you tomorrow.

Stay awesome.

From The Depths Of The Heart The Mouth Speaks

Less than 1 min read

From The Depths Of The Heart The Mouth Speaks

This is such a simple yet profound truth. Garbage in = garbage out. Feed your heart with light and you’ll flood the world with brightness. Feed your heart with darkness and you’ll be a gloomy presence that spews hurtful garbage from what’s supposed to be a gift – your mouth.

I appreciate you working out for the benefit of your physique but if you will take my advice, please work on that inner part of yourself, your heart, even more.

PS said with all the love in the world.

See you tomorrow!

Stay awesome.

Gratitude

Where does one even begin?

Mom you are a blessing,

One that brings joy without sorrow.

You are a brilliant beacon that illuminates my life.

You are like the sun,

Warm, providing insight and life-giving.

The work you do is thankless but you do it anyway.

You are vital but you don’t expect payment in return.

You radiate love even when I don’t reciprocate it.

How can I not love the Lord when you are in my life?

 

You’ve steered me in the right direction from birth.

Before my birth you displayed great wisdom.

You took care of yourself, preserving my future mother.

You spoke into my life, with God you forged a great destiny.

You prayed for me – saving me from premature death countless times.

You shared your wisdom without cost.

When I didn’t listen you chastened me,

Showing me true love in the process.

Any parts of me that are desirable, you had a hand in forging.

You raised me up in the way that I should go,

If I depart from it, it won’t be your fault…

But worry not, you’ve done that good a job.

 

I have seen you do things that astound me time and time again.

You would work while sick for me.

You would make every effort to give me comfort,

Even at the expense of your own comfort.

You carried me like I wasn’t a heavy burden when…

Let’s face it – I was heavy from birth.

You pampered me when you had little.

You didn’t stop when you gained more.

You made every effort to make sure I had the tools required,

To achieve my dreams.

For that I will be forever grateful.

 

However…
I celebrate you more for your person.

For your unflinching honesty.

For your evident dedication to God.

For your tough love.
For you gentle affection.

For ever striving to improve yourself.

For acknowledging mistakes.

For being a true superwoman – with the humility of one far less.

Sometimes your words are pompous,

But your actions!

They drip humility.

You are a wonderful teacher.

Even when I make “the face” I am still learning.

When I don’t agree I often reflect and think:

“That woman was right.”

You are God sent.
Rejoice!

The things you have deposited in me shall impact the world.

Rejoice!

Your story is just beginning.

You shall be esteemed as only a woman after God’s own heart can.

Rejoice!

From you there is much more to come.

Your personal story doesn’t end any time soon.

You’re just at the starting line,

And I for one am excited to see you flourish as you ought to.

I love you deeply,

I’ll try to convey some of that (because I’m not good enough to convey all of that)

But I do and I wish for you to be full of love, joy and peace,

All the days of your life, you gentle soul.

God bless you.

I thank God for you.

 

Happy birthday Mom.

❤️

 

Thanks For Teaching Me How To Love

“How?” he asks beyond incredulous at this point. “You’ve seen the statistics, you watch the news, you talk to you people, your friends, clients, classmates… So tell me, how? How can you be so naïve? Why do you still believe? It just doesn’t work.”

My answer?

“Ah… but it does. I’ve seen it.”

I’m sure you know the saying: monkey see monkey do. I’ll be the last to call myself a monkey but kids do learn a lot from seeing their parents/guardians in action. I will have you know, this guy’s been doing a lot of seeing, this guy’s been doing a lot watching – when your guard was up or when it was down. I was listening when the words were smooth. I was listening even when annoyance had long barged in. I was learning – I still am – how one ought to love and how one ought to accept being loved.

As your son I’d like to utter words that might seem odd to you now but ring true nonetheless. You’ve done a stellar job! Thank you… and I’m so proud of you. I need look no further for a greater example of how I want my marriage to be. Yes the journey is still ongoing but you’ve done real good so far, hontou ni (there’s that Japanese becoming useful). Obviously this is from my selfish point of view but I hope you keep it up… so your grandkids can learn this lesson from me, their mom… and from you too.

It’s because of you that I can say these words with ease and with meaning. I love you 🙂

So… to my heroes, to my parents, to my inspiration –

Happy anniversary

What Does It Feel Like?

Dear Follower,

I’d like to say that this break I’ve been taking is because I plan on churning out fantastic content on a weekly basis as opposed to mediocre to good content daily. If I said that I’d be lying. I set myself a target: to produce great pieces daily, no matter the cost. Obviously I’ve been slipping. So… I’ve decided to try something different. I’m fast approaching the 50 mark for blog post followers (yes… and thank you!). I believe it’s time for me to open up a discussion which might help me with a project I’m working on. The topic is:

What Does It Feel Like To Be Hit On?

If you would like to contribute please feel free to use the comment section. Anyone whose ideas I use for my project will make my “Thank You” page. They will also make my day.

So… Start typing. Thanks in advance.

Yours,

Joe

6 Degrees of Separation

Sticking to song titles this is one of my favourite songs by one of my favourite bands: The Script. When you are separated from something or someone you love deeply you may undergo some of these symptoms, more than aptly described by this talented group of artists.

 

“First, you think the worst is a broken heart.”

True line I believe. I think everyone has a different timeframe before it suddenly hits. You’re no longer tied to that person but your emotions – your heart – disagree. That hurts: what’s worse is you think it’s the worst part but it’s not.

 
What’s gonna kill you is the second part.”

The song never does state what the “second part” is. Unfortunately (or should I say fortunately) I don’t have enough first-hand experience to write from first person viewpoint but I can try assume what this is. It’s probably the memories of all the good things done together rushing through one’s head… and the realisation that it all came to nought.

 
“And the third, is when your world splits down the middle.”

You see them at every turn. They are in your mind’s eye the whole time and like some kind of stubborn cancer their memory just won’t go away; even when you try the not-so-chemo-therapy from friends and family.

 
“And fourth, you’re gonna think that you fixed yourself.”

“I’m fine now. I’m ok. I’m better off without them.”

You say it once, twice. Maybe you even start to believe it.

 
“Fifth, you see them out with someone else.”

How can they move on so quickly? Don’t they feel what you feel? You dread to ask but have to nonetheless:

“Was it… was it ever real?”

 
“And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have messed up a little.”

“I wish I’d never…”

Both regret and acceptance.  The ache remains but the separation should be complete.

PS I really enjoy listening to this song and would suggest you give it a listen, preferably the clean version because the original does have a word or two you wouldn’t want to hear a toddler saying.