Vulnerability is akin to shedding off armour, sliding off the carapace that shrouds a soft centre or prying apart the ribcage surrounding the fragile heart. It’s potentially, devastatingly torturous and no one likes pain.
This right here encapsulates the majority of the overwhelming response to yesterday’s post ‘Pride Barrier‘. I encourage more of you to comment below as I feel your responses add so much more to the discussion.
In the previous post, we also pointed out that to form real deep and meaningful relationships that a shedding needs to occur. We need to disassemble the impenetrable aura around us to be better able to cleave to others. It’s dangerous. However, the possible results are amazing.
Imagine an environment where your authentic self is loved and accepted, where your gifts and talents are not envied but supported and perhaps even honed by those around you. Imagine crying without the fear of looking foolish, laughing as goofily as you desire knowing that you won’t be turned away. That is the beautiful alternative.
Yes, unfortunately, the people around us are human. That means they will make mistakes and be prejudiced. That means they’ll be hypocritical and exercise their free will even when it is detrimental to you, me or themselves. If we’re honest with ourselves we’ll realise we have the same tendencies, if not on the surface deep down that we may have to fight against; I for one definitely do.
Some people will say no. They will reject your true self because you’re not their cup of tea. Maybe they are a coffee person or a milkshake addict or whatever… but if you are authentic rejection will happen at some point and that’s ok.
What if… what if we embrace the rejection(s) because they will ultimately point us to where we will be accepted? If we looked at rejection and the pain that comes with it in the sphere of relationships as a signpost pointing us in another direction, could we possibly develop stronger hearts? I’m not talking about hearts sheathed in ice or hearts of stone but something akin to a muscle you’ve worked out several times, tearing those fibres and replacing them with multiple, stronger and tougher ones. Like salespeople who have come to understand that they will not make the sale every time, is it not possible for us to be able to overcome this seemingly immense hurdle, this emotional kryptonite and become (you guessed it) kryptonite tolerant? At the very least it’s something I believe is worth trying. Do you?
I’ve heard this too often, “Ayanda, I’m sick of these phoney friendships man. People don’t really care. Everyone out here is fake.”
Maybe it’s time to take a stand and start being the real people in our circles. Authentic not just as an act but as part of our identity.
I don’t want to be disingenuous any longer. I hate the fruits of it. There’s this graphic proverb that states: As a dog returns to its vomit so a fool repeats his folly. If I hate the fruit of invulnerability it only makes sense that I stop doing so. A way of looking at insanity is repeating the same thing over and over while expecting different results. (The irony is that I have an amazing topic titled ‘The Power Of Monotony’ in the pipeline.) Even though it feels insane choosing vulnerability in this instance perhaps it’s time to change.
To quote Batman in the dreadful Justice League movie as he tried to motivate a mortified Barry Allen, “Save one. Save one person.”
Similarly, when you’ve made the decision to be vulnerable, start with one person and see where it goes.
Just do it.
Image source Batman-News