Relational Hierarchy

Owe no man nothing but to love him.

Jesus is the perfect role model for many things, including interpreting relationships. He loved everyone, enough to die for even those that hated him. Therefore his treatment of people in the “friends” group stands out more than most as it is highly unusual.


There is a hidden pressure to provide people access into your life simply because you rub shoulders with them on a daily basis. When someone within your vicinity does something for you, and this can sometimes be monumental, it feels almost rude not to include them in your life. We are to love our neighbour as we love ourself. We are NOT, however, required to make our neighbour privy to each and every circumstance we experience on this earth. 

Friendship is a vital asset but it is to be earned. While that may sound arrogant, it isn’t. To form a meaningful friendship an investment of the greatest expense is required; time. In case you haven’t noticed, time isn’t a renewable resource. Therefore as a good steward of the time you’ve been given on this earth, it becomes absolutely essential that you invest yours in meaningful people – your friends.

Jesus loved everybody – but he had no obligation to keep everyone within the same circle. He had the 3, Peter, James and John, that were allowed to see him in more vulnerable states than the 12 and the others. Even the terminology tells you that this relationally intelligent leader had hierarchy regarding access to his private life. I advocate that we should too.

(Based on the first chapter of ‘Relational Intelligence’ by Judah Smith, Dharius Daniels)