This would have been more appropriately labelled ‘Friendship Material’ but I attended Harvard classes in the Art Of Clickbait so this is what you get.
Based on our current source material, ‘Relational Intelligence’ by Judah Smith and Dharius Daniels, I have today 5 Key Signs of A Good Friend. Use these to vet your people and check yourself.
- Unshakeable character. This is built on the belief that there is no such thing as a neutral relationship and that every relationship either builds or destroys. The character of your friend can become your crisis. Consider someone who is known for being jealous of others or lying. If your relationship ever hits a rocky patch, and many real relationships do, you’ll need to worry about that. On the other hand if your friend doesn’t exhibit any of these traits with other people, you need not worry about it resurfacing against you.
- A friend loves at all times. These are friends that aim for your highest good. This means that they can discern when to give advice and when to “touch our wounds with gentle hands”.
- Unbridled honesty. I’ve been blessed to have friends that don’t mince their words for my self-esteem. You know that these people accept you for you and therefore you can trust their truths about you. These are the people you want to have with you so that they can point out the blind spot of your Johari window.
- Unmoveable reality. Friends like these exhibit high dependibility and trustworthiness. They are predictable (in the best possible way). The good thing about this trait is that it leaves clues for you to discover.
- Unceasing encouragement. These friends help lift you up. Oftentimes when we hear the term “helper” we instantly think of a spouse or mate for life, but friends can be our helpers too, in that they can be vehicles that help us achieve growth and purpose.
This is a summarised list of the benefits of having a real, genuine friend. I highly recommend reading the book ‘Relational Intelligence’ for yourself, or if you’ve never opened an audible account, getting it as your first audiobook for FREE here: Relational Intelligence Audiobook.
Owe no man nothing but to love him.
Jesus is the perfect role model for many things, including interpreting relationships. He loved everyone, enough to die for even those that hated him. Therefore his treatment of people in the “friends” group stands out more than most as it is highly unusual.
There is a hidden pressure to provide people access into your life simply because you rub shoulders with them on a daily basis. When someone within your vicinity does something for you, and this can sometimes be monumental, it feels almost rude not to include them in your life. We are to love our neighbour as we love ourself. We are NOT, however, required to make our neighbour privy to each and every circumstance we experience on this earth.
Friendship is a vital asset but it is to be earned. While that may sound arrogant, it isn’t. To form a meaningful friendship an investment of the greatest expense is required; time. In case you haven’t noticed, time isn’t a renewable resource. Therefore as a good steward of the time you’ve been given on this earth, it becomes absolutely essential that you invest yours in meaningful people – your friends.
Jesus loved everybody – but he had no obligation to keep everyone within the same circle. He had the 3, Peter, James and John, that were allowed to see him in more vulnerable states than the 12 and the others. Even the terminology tells you that this relationally intelligent leader had hierarchy regarding access to his private life. I advocate that we should too.
(Based on the first chapter of ‘Relational Intelligence’ by Judah Smith, Dharius Daniels)
Self-motivation is great…
But motivating friends are even better.
Approach me slowly.
Hush – don’t rush.
Your tongue whips out…
Yet you obey me.
Good girl! But…
That was never my mission!
I created a slave!
By commission or omission?
You dug your own grave!
It wasn’t my decision…
You finally misbehave!
You break my vase!
So you’re not a slave?
I’m so mad – I rave!
I won’t raise my hand.
I won’t raise my voice.
You’re my only friend.
You’re my only choice.
You walk with me to the park.
You’re my best friend.
You comfort me with your bark.
Yes… Together! ‘Til the very end!
I love you Fluffy.