Learn This My Son

Learn This My Son

 

Learn this my son: they are called “loved ones” for a reason.

Love them with all your heart.

Say you love them as often as you can; show that you love them always.

Put them first before yourself.

When you are famished offer them food.

When you thirst ask if they would like something to drink.

This is the kind of man you ought to be.

Your family will cherish you for it.

 

Learn this my son: it is called hard work because it is hard.

Is what you are doing hard?

Then you’re probably doing it right.

Persevere!

Do not shirk away from your duty.

Chip at it like the mason working on his prized sculpture.

Remember to always aspire!

Visualise, my boy!

Plan ahead before you set your chisel against the stone, lest your eagerness ruin the masterpiece long before it is realised.

Do this and your goals will be achievable.

 

Learn this my son: stay away from negative influence.

Anything that clouds your judgement blocks your route to success.

Read!

Surround yourself with people with clear agendas, with goals as high or even greater than your own.

Learn from them.

In their presence do not speak the loudest, instead listen the most; this is how you’ll grow.

 

Learn this my son: yesterday was yesterday.

Yesterday is gone.

Tomorrow you will be one day closer to heaven than you are today.

Do not be afraid! Be excited!

You know now that you have limited time… make the most of it!

Live every moment!

Push as if you’ll never push again.

Strive to your maximum at every attempt.

Do this and you will have no regrets.

Do this and you will be content.

 

Learn this my son: laugh.

I cannot stress this enough,

Laugh!

This way the aforementioned ‘stress’ will not be enough to stop you.

Laugh in the face of adversity, your family will cherish you for it.

Laugh, for that is how they will know they will get through it.

Laugh while you do all that I have taught you and your days shall be long and joyful…

 

Learn this my son: I am but a man and I teach what I have witnessed with my own eyes.

Your true guide awaits you to find Him.

Search for Him for He has knowledge far beyond my capabilities.

Learn how to be a father from Him, He is the greatest Father of all.

He will help you find one to share your love and laughter with.

He will give you direction and strength.

He will show you where opportunities lie.

He will endow you with wisdom, my boy.

My son, do all of this and you will make me undoubtedly proud.

Do this and I will be as proud as a man can be.

 

Excerpt from ‘Bleeding Heart’

Man Of Few Words

I think a lot of emphasis is placed on the importance of the practical roles of a father, and rightly so. A father is expected to protect, to guide, to provide and to renovate. I guess that is why there is a massive spike in the rate of DIY accidents among fathers than men that have no children. By the way I just made up that statistic, did you believe that statement? It makes sense though.

One aspect that is undervalued is that of the words the father speaks. Encouragement, affirmation, direction, discipline and observations are essential to unlocking the full potential of one’s child and to make the relationship as wholesome as possible. I think about the few times my father’s dished out verbal discipline and how those moments have stuck more than any other. I find it hard to do the things he admonished me for simply because of our relationship and his role in my life. As a result I sometimes wonder if I would be drastically different had I been admonished more. Would I have less of what I view as character and organisational flaws?

Self-esteem and self-confidence can be massively boosted by having a father who affirms you. You are a genius, you are beautiful. If you hear such rousing statements from someone who matters so much to you, you won’t have that void being filled by another character in your life. You’ll find you’re less prone to people pleasing and you don’t need to impress others to earn their respect. You would have developed self-respect by knowing you are valued from a young age.

Lastly regarding direction. While it is important for a father to give room for a child to grow in their talents it is also essential to help point out the skills and talents the father views, as unbiased as possible. Mostly those that are phenomenally talented at something don’t see how good they are until someone tells them. I believe it is the role of the father to observe what his children’s talents are and prescribe possible pathways for them to make the most impact on this earth. Furthermore we forget how difficult and unreasonable it is for a teenager still in the process of discovering oneself to make vital decisions that can potentially set the direction for the rest of their lives in stone. During this crucial period guidance from a father, who presumably has accrued wisdom through wide reading, and experiences (partaken of and received through sharing), will be able to give the child as many (right) options and a good way of helping them choose which one.

Perhaps it’s time for Dads to stop being the silent brooding voice but to speak out more often and to do so positively.

An Ode To You

Where do I begin?

You are my pride and joy.

Seeing you smile warms my heart,

Seeing you fall pains me.

I live for your achievements.

I will forever wish success for you.

When you stumble I want to be there to steady you.

When you tumble, my hand will prop you up.

I want to give you all my wisdom,

All my resources,

All my time,

All my love.

Son – I will affirm you.

I will praise you.

I will chastise you.

I will teach you in the way you should go.

I will provide you the tools you need,

To be the best version of yourself.

I will love you when you don’t love yourself.

I will show you your value.

I will keep my promises to you.

I will make time for you.

I will die to self for you.

That’s the love a father should have towards his son.

Dad did the same for me,

I’ll be damned if I don’t do the same for you.

I’ll be the best dad in the world for you,

You can count on it.

Diaper Changing Machine

Before you get too excited, no I did not invent or discover a machine that changes diapers on one’s behalf. Does the machine even exist? Hmmmm… something to look up in my spare time.

I’ve been away for a bit and for good reason. I’ve been preparing to be a father. Yes you got that right – awesome news, spoiler alert, I’m going to be a father! Shocking isn’t it? It shouldn’t be though. It’s something I’ve had on my vision board for a long time now and I’m ready to fill that role as best I can… at least a couple years from now.

tenor-2

Gotcha didn’t I?

Aye this won’t be an issue for a while:

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But the idea is to be a great dad. 4 of my 5 mentors raise their kids as active fathers and that’s the route I wanna go by too. What about the other one, Ayanda? Is he an absent father? No, he’s a she and a great Mom. But I don’t aspire to be a Mom so she’s been excluded from this post, with her permission.

What even is this post? Well, it’s the introductory chapter to a new series! Preparing for Fatherhood. I’ve been observing fathers in general, my 4 mentors in particular and have taken a life-changing course called ‘Be That Man’. I also volunteered to work in the kids ministry of the church and oversee toddlers.

Why the title then? Well that’s because I changed my first diaper on Sunday. It smelled like crap! As one would expect – and it was glorious lol.

How did it go? Basically I carried a table into the little men’s room and this dude came carrying a putrid ball of cuteness and plopped him on the table. The conversation went like this:

“You ever changed a diaper before?” he asked. He seemed tense.

“No… if there’s instructions somewhere I think I can do it… I can try.”

4 wet wipes and a dumped and replaced diaper later it went:

“I think that’s how it’s done. That’s the front – right?”

“I think… we’ve done it,” he replied.

#MissionAccomplished

And accomplished I felt and still feel. I wouldn’t take back that experience for a thousand Kuwaiti Dinars. Why that currency in particular? Last I checked it’s the strongest currency in the world. If that’s wrong, feel free to correct me in the comments.

So – let’s step into preparation for fatherhood together!

PS BTW if you’re planning to be a Mom and not a Dad please don’t feel excluded by these posts. Instead I invite you to engage in the comments adding (or critiquing) whatever you would like in a father for whatever talking point the subsequent posts will cover.

See you tomorrow.

photo cred: All-free-download.com

My Biggest Misconception

This may sound ridiculous, I hope it doesn’t coz every pore already oozes absurdity, but I always believed that after a certain age a certain invisible switch would be magically flipped and “adulthood” would sssslide in smooth as an eel (unlike me in them DMs).

I always thought that when I became a father I wouldn’t think like I do now. After all my wise father isn’t really the same person in his mind as he was pre-marriage surely? Right?

Ahem, turns out – THAT IS NOT THE CASE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! What made the realisation dawn on me was what I thought to be an innocuous conversation had after talking about my 90 year old grandfather and the Liberation War:

Joe: If there was a war between Zimbabwe and… Zambia for example, would you pack up your bags and take Kim and Mom to safety in a neighbouring country, or would you stay and fight?

Dad: I’d join the army… the Zambian army 😀

Classic dad joke. This plus numerous other exchanges raced through my mind and BOOM. Nuclear bomb went off in my mind. The first mental lightbulb in ages it seems.

Now that I know it was a massive misconception, looking at my father I’m supremely impressed… and looking at myself, I’m very worried 😀

Thank you for your time:)

 

No. 10

Number 10. We both love football so we can both appreciate just how important a number 10 is. It is no coincidence that our favourite player of all time is a number 10; a playmaker. A number 10 is one who makes things happen, without them the team will struggle to score. Often the number 10 decides whether the game is won or lost. The number 10 can drag a team across the line – sometimes singlehandedly.

This is where you come in Dad. You’re our No. 10! You’re our Christian Eriksen, our Eden Hazard, our Kevin De Bruyne… Our Lionel Messi. You’re a prodigy at what you do and we love you for it. You might not get the equivalent of the Ballon d’Or but you have all our love and appreciation.

Today we’d like to celebrate you and all your awesomeness, technical skills… in spite of a lack of agility. Happy birthday Dad! To an extremely delayed retirement as No. 10!

PS A shame you support Arsenal 😉