Marry Me

Boy: Marry me.

Girl: Ok.

Boy: Wait… really? That easy?

Girl: Well, yes. What were you expecting?

Boy: Well I thought I’d have to go on my knees and beg. I thought you’d say no a thousand times and I’d have to keep coming back a thousand and one times to prove myself. To let you know the extent of my love.

Girl: Oh. That sounds incredible! I’m at a loss for words.

Boy: No need to be. I’m just so glad –

Girl: I change my mind now. It’ll be a no from me.

 

The girl went on to be the most controversial judge on the Voice.

Untitled Project

There’s a soft buzz just ahead. He’s early – Max is never late – but clearly some students had something to talk about ahead of class. That was always the case, there was always something to talk about; more precisely, someone to talk about. One thing was certain though. They never talked about Max. He just wasn’t an interesting enough topic to bring up. If only they knew. Max methodically pushed the half-closed door wide open and walked purposefully into the classroom. He knew his destination, his prized seat, two rows from the front and right in the middle. It was just close enough to hear the teacher whisper and yet just far enough not to be classified as a teacher’s pet. He’d worked all of that out because he cared about what people thought of him; not knowing that people didn’t care to think of him at all. Slowly placing his satchel under his desk he gathered himself and sat, rather stiffly on the stool. That’s how Max did everything, with an air of royalty and calculation. The few that spared a thought for him (if only for a second or two) found his behaviour awkward. They just never understood him, partially because they never tried. Funnily enough Max knew this but didn’t mind too much. He cared about what people thought of him but so long as there was no hostility directed towards him he could live. He slowly took out his books, (Geography was next) and exactly 3 seconds after inking his pen Mrs. Elston arrived. Just on time. Max gave himself a mental pat on the back. Everyone shuffled back to their seats, the buzz of conversation slowly died down, albeit reluctantly. The question they were all anticipating and dreading fast approaching.

“Good morning class! Did you all do the work I assigned you yesterday?”

Silence. This was going to be one long morning… or was it?

“You really are setting a poor example here. How will the new student know how to behave if not one of you knows how to behave?” she said angrily although bizarrely there was a smile on her face.

A new student? Max thought. At this time of the term? But we’re nearly through.

“Maximus.” she mock-pleaded. “You’ve done your homework, haven’t you?”

Before Max could even take a breath she answered her own question. It was rhetorical then. Why? Because in spite of his elaborate seating plan it was a well-known fact that Max was the teacher’s pet, known by everyone – everyone but him. He was rather oblivious for the genius he was.

“Of course you have. So she’ll be taking notes from you. Teach her well.” She shot him a glance. Max thought it was menacing but he was an oblivious genius. A dunce would have understood that look immediately. Mrs Elston was being rather naughty but she liked Max and felt he needed a win in his barren social life.

“But I’m getting ahead of myself!” she exclaimed. She loved ramping up the energy out of nowhere. “Class, say hello to your new classmate. Her name is Maxine.”

Maxine walked gracefully into the classroom. A sharp hush fell over the room. Max decided to take a glimpse at the new student. Glimpse turned to look… and then to gaping stare. For the next few seconds all Max could hear was his own heartbeat and all he could see was her.

WTF: The Internet Is Full Of Dirty Genii

I came across a LifeAccordingToJimmy video on YouTube titled: “5th Grade recess” and I really enjoyed myself not just because of the video, the video was quality, definitely! But I read the comments as I usually do and came across some of the dirtiest, slightly gross but in my opinion funny jokes to do with the physique of one of the actresses. I don’t know her name, I didn’t take the time to research the characters in the skit but one thing was apparent and aptly stated by one YouTube comment writer, Marcus Wellz, who said: “That’s a huge rack for a 5th grader”. This man opened the floodgates and boy did he do it well.

Now don’t get me wrong. I appreciate people for their character but more often that not I have a view on them based on their appearance. Now does that make me superficial? I don’t know, you decide. I just can’t imagine seeing someone and not thinking anything about what I’m seeing. I would also like to get the point across that I do not see anything wrong with having “a huge rack” or a little one for that matter. Both are magnifique in their own way. Marcus was right about the rack by the way.

Following that blockbuster of a comment others decided to chime in with their thoughts and “expert” opinions. An interesting thread began after one intelligent bloke opted to remind everyone that looking at a 5th grader’s rack isn’t socially acceptable. This led to an onslaught of dirty pedophilia-related jokes. I’ll list the wickedly devious, beyond ridiculous popular responses below:

Beware the comments below are quite dirty minded and involve pedophilia-related humour. If you can’t stomach such humour I advise you skip the list.

Old enough to count, old enough to mount
+Marcus Wellz If there’s grass on the wicket, it’s time to play cricket
+Thompson Summers old enough to pee, old enough for me
+Anthony lee If they’re old enough to bleed, they’re old enough to breed
It gets even more crass
+Thompson Summers if shes on the clock, she’s ready for the co…
If she’s old enough to cross the street, she’s old enough to get the meat
old enough to cross the road, ready for the load
if she knows her manners, she can take the hammer
+Thompson Summers OLD ENOUGH TO BREATHE, OLD ENOUGH TO BREED
If you ask me I’d say that last guy was quite intense. I have to hand it to them though, even though they were derogatory (somehow that word feels inadequate) the jokes they came up with were quite witty and I laughed my ass off, metaphorically speaking. I’ve only ever come across similar gut-crunching comments in anime forums and more often than not, unfortunately, they deal with the topic of incest which is for some unknown reason is popular in manga and anime.
Anyway I hope you enjoyed or were at least appalled by this post. If neither… well… then I worry for you very, very much.
If you’d like to see the video and the comments as well as the girl with the “huge rack” for yourself you can do so by entering this link in your browser: