Standard Setters

He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harms.

I guess that statement covers it and I don’t need to re-emphasise the importance of good choice regards companions.

I’ve got a friend named Alex. He’s a master at time management. Spending time with him inevitably put me in a position where I had to look at myself and, once I saw the gulf in productivity, desire to change. In fact, when we hung out a lot I could actually see said changes in my lifestyle. The man would always be early to whatever event we were going to. That is when I noticed how lax I was when it came to being early. He had playtime of course, like any sane aspiring engineer has to have, but he didn’t give himself hits of dopamine without reason. It was all calculated, the important, everlasting things were prioritised and were allocated more time from his day; the instant, self-gratifying things were at the bottom of the list and were often saved for a few hours at the end of the day… sometimes a few minutes even. It felt like – like he could stretch out time. His minutes were what hours are to the regular Joe. Around someone who seemingly has their life together in a way most don’t, it’s easy to become enamoured and sooner or later, to be placed between a rock and a hard place. The place where you were before no longer being enough.

A word of caution: don’t run. It’s easy to see a bar a friend has raised and think it’s too high; due to laziness or the fear of failure you may start to withdraw. Don’t do that. Let positive peer pressure do its job instead. If you stick with good friends long enough – you’ll find yourself thanking God for them.

See you tomorrow.

Dumped By Someone I Wasn’t Hitting On

Approx 2 min read

Oh this isn’t clickbait, this actually happened. I’m only 23 but I gotta say I’ve lived a full life, riddled with memorable, unforeseeable events. Yes indeed – I was dumped by someone I wasn’t hitting on. With this we kick off our series on Communication.

Dr. Ed Louis Cole said “communication is the basis of life”. He was right.

Communication is how we transmit feelings, ideas and information to others.

We are relational beings and the success of a relationship is strongly tied to how well communication is done. There’s 5 kinds of communication: no communication (self explanatory), little communication, over-communication (also known as TMI), poor communication and good communication. We’ll subdivide these even more later on.

We often fall into the trap of thinking that communication is solely the words we speak but our gestures are very important too. I’m sure you’ve heard about good posture and other pointers when trying to project confidence. Certain behaviours give away more than what words could say – with this I’ll lead into the misunderstanding that occurred.

Now at some point in my more impressionable age someone I looked up to told me that I should treat women the same way I treat my sister, or at least the same way I would like to have my sister treated by others. This stuck, primarily because of my well-published affection for my only sibling and this kickstarted a series of faux pas on my part that led to a phone call ending with me being dumped (by someone I wasn’t hitting on). I thought the things I had been doing were standard behaviour: opening the door, giving up my seat, coaxing confidence in adverse situations and giving praise when I was genuinely impressed.

All of these are gestures that can in fact have meaning behind them about how someone feels towards you – they can also simply be an indication of how one was raised. I fell into the latter category.

The good thing is, I wasn’t (overly) embarrassed, the full story brings a lot of laughter to a lot of people and it taught me a valuable lesson:

Communication isn’t just about what I do. It’s about what the person on the receiving end perceives.

We have a lot of things to unpack in the chapter including how to tell if someone likes you when you’re laughing at a table, how to get better at saying what you want to say, and mustering the confidence to speak your mind. So be excited. I certainly am.

Do share this post with your friends, family or your crush (if you want them to take a hint).

(To the crushes out there, TAKE A HINT!)

See you tomorrow.

Stay awesome!

 

 

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

Approx 1.2 min read

We meet again! I’ve been expecting you. Today we’re having a look at friends and the role they can play in helping us out of our comfort zones.

This will be very simple, direct and plain (unlike most of the things that come out of my mind). Friends exert a pressure just by their mere presence which works to affect our behaviour and personality. Some of us have a high resistance to this pressure while others are more prone to go with this flow. Nevertheless that pressure to conform exists for everyone. If you over 12 you’ve absolutely heard this termed peer pressure.

Peer pressure in itself is neither good nor bad. What matters is that it exists. Its intended purpose is to get us aligned with the ideologies of those around us and, if used correctly, can be used for our benefit.

Bad company corrupts good morals. Birds of a feather flock together. One person said, “You are the average of the 5 people you associate with most.

You wanna step out of your comfort zone? Associate with people that do things out of your comfort zone – preferably in the direction you want to go. Sooner or later you will find yourself doing just that, all because of peer pressure.

Now that’s the power of friendship.

Tomorrow we delve into ‘Communication‘. Trust me when (in my most professional lingo) I say, it’s going to be real dope.

Stay awesome!

Write The Vision Down

Approx 2.5 min read

Hey there! Back again are we? Fantastic! Good to have you.

Remember when I started off this series and I mentioned that bit about how some of the things I will be sharing will be from experience while others will be from principle? Yeah? Well this is one of those things that I’ve done in part based on principle and it’s already working.

To start this off I’d like to insert and idea into your head. One of the most powerful things we can do as humans is create an image. No, I’m not talking about photoshop. I’m talking about the ability to see something that doesn’t exist physically as real, and behave accordingly. In Christianity it’s referred to as faith and it can sound a little crazy but we use it all the time. You don’t believe me? What is time? What is a country? What is a company? What is money? What is a government? In a way, crazy as it may seem – these are but figments of our imagination which we allow to govern our lives. Things with no actual power but are given power because we agree with the notion. But that’s just my opinion (or is it?).

One way to break out of one’s comfort zone is to provide an image of the thing one wants; to see it daily until it is etched in one’s mind. In my case I have a dream (Martin Luther King Jr., please do forgive me for stealing what I think is your best line, I just couldn’t help it!) that I will own Manchester City football club. It sounds ridiculous and is possibly downright insane. That’s even before you consider the fact that the entity is worth over 2 billion dollars right now.

However. once that idea seeps into the recesses of my mind and is as real to me as money is… I can’t be comfortable lying in bed until my body feels like waking up on a weekend. I can’t be comfortable being unproductive. I will be forced to change because the thing I envision and my current behaviour don’t align. Just like when your goal of achieving a certain body shape becomes crystalline you adjust your diet and exercise accordingly, so too will your attitude change when your goals become very clear.

And the tool to make your goals clear: a vision board.

So get on with it. Get a large sheet of paper or prepare some kind of powerpoint. From the 8 areas of your life that have the most significance: spiritual, health, family and friends, relationship, career, personal growth, money and fun and recreation – stick images that align with what you envision yourself achieving, then put the vision board in a place where you can see it everyday. Let that become as familiar to you as the crush’s social media page and see yourself working towards it.

One awesome thing about this. It can be proven fairly easily just by doing it. So… just do it. (Sorry Nike.)

See you tomorrow.

Stay awesome!

Comfort Zone

Aaaaand we’re back! Lovely people – this long, unanticipated hiatus is finally over! I missed you almost more certainly than you missed me. I am about 51% sure this is the case. Regardless, we are going to jump right in and get the ball rolling again, faster and with more purpose than ever before.

While I’ve been away I’ve published two collections. (“Yay! Congratulations Ayanda!” “Why thank you very much, I love you so much! :)” )  One of short stories and the other of poems. You’ll find both available for purchase and download on Amazon under the titles: ‘Unrealistically Plausible Short Stories’ and ‘Bleeding Heart: A Collection Of Poems’. If you can, get ’em. I promise you will not be massively disappointed.


We’re embarking on new territory, governed by experience but mostly principle. The topics we’re going to cover in the coming weeks should help us all do amazing things and  take small steps towards achieving the goals we set in our lives. So… right now I have 3 SERIES LINED UP!

The first is called ‘Comfort Zone’. Here we will look at the things that keep us tethered and like an anchor, prevent us from reaching far, as well as looking at what we need to do to flourish outside of the waters we have been paddling in all our lives.

The second is called ‘Communication’. We are going to look at the benefits of knowing how to communicate effectively and find out which tools we can use to help us do so. We’ll discuss things like love languages and preventing misunderstanding. This is going to be lit!

Third but not last (can you feel my excitement right now? “Not last” because there’s loads more to come!) we are going to talk about ‘Friends’. This will range from how to introduce yourself to people who you would like in your inner circle, to identifying who you should spend the most amount of time on and/or with. We’ll talk about what I’ve learned are referred to as “quality people”, how to identify them and keep them in your life. 

New posts coming up Every. Single. Day. Be sure to let your friends know all about it, it could change their lives – it could impact their lives positively… and as you know that’s what we’re all about.

Till tomorrow!

Stay awesome.