That Awkward Moment When Romcoms Are Better Than Real Life

‘That Awkward Moment’ was lovely as hell… well, if hell was lovely. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie after what was probably my fourth time viewing. The banter… the writers need to be paid double whatever they earned for their fine work. If I had a friend who had the verbal prowess of any of the three main characters, portrayed by Zac Efron, Miles Teller and Michael B. Jordan, I’d immediately ask for their hand in marriage, be they female or otherwise. And Imogen Poots… my word! Her character was gifted with the perfect measure of quirkiness, wit and authenticity. She was unbelievably cool. If she were real and if we met, it would be love at first sight, at least from my point of view.

In all honesty I fell in love with the characters in the movie, so much so that I had that pang of disappointment when I knew the end was fast approaching. I know that at times it’s cheesy, I know that it’s almost impossible to experience anything similar in real life, I know they swear a lot more than is acceptable but that’s what makes it so wonderful – it’s different from what I encounter every other day. That’s what makes it better.

Now hold up. Why is a romcom, a ROMCOM better than real life? I guess that’s what it’s meant to be. There’s a sad period in most romcoms somewhere but there’s almost always a happy ending. The best part being that the happy ending is achieved in under 2 hours. Real happy endings take a very long time, freaking forever. It’s not even funny. So I guess that’s one of the reasons romcoms are amazing.

There’s also the idea that every protagonist nearly always finds “the One”. If I can remember the Zac Efron line that brought out the inner girl in me it went something like:

“I wasn’t afraid because I thought she wasn’t the one… I was absolutely terrified because I knew she was.”

I mean come on! Doesn’t that just make your spine quiver? There was even a major arc in this movie dedicated to MBJ’s happily ever interrupted by a gruesome divorce… Yet they still find a way to make the movie have a happy ending for everyone involved. How? Why must the ideal and the real be so damn parallel? The author of life surely didn’t intend for it to be this way?

Books and movies and novels are meant to inspire us by letting us know what could be. Key words: what could be. It should be possible to have conversations filled with great banter. “The One” should exist for every single one of us. Life should work out but it very often doesn’t. Why is that the story of humanity? Please make life better than a romcom. That’s all the girl in me really wants LOL.

Thing is; we can do it… we really can! All we need is to cast aside the masks that we wear. All we need is to be the diverse beings we truly are and stop trying to be like that ideal person because newsflash, the ideal person doesn’t exist. Ideal self does. And if everyone was their ideal self then… then we’d be talking. Then we’d be on our way to that world whose script is a reputable number of times better than the romcom I watched this evening. Then ‘That Awkward Moment’ wouldn’t be better than real life, and that would be awesome.

Bye Bye Twitter, Bye Bye Loneliness

Dear Blog,

I actually really like that salutation. I think I’ll use it from now on whenever I’m directing my thoughts, feelings at you, yes YOU you inanimate being.  Or should I direct my content to my readers? (cue the negative half of me saying,  “What readers?“) I’ll think about it. Anyway, to the point of this post. I feel sad. Yes that is an elementary level sentence but there’s no better way to describe the way I’m feeling right now. I just left the one thing that was keeping me together because it was also the one thing that was holding me back. I’ve decided it’s time to move on. This is where I say, “Goodbye Twitter.”

For the past 2 months (yes it seems kinda short but it really isn’t) every spare moment I had was basically spent doing one of three things: sleeping (duh), surfing the net about football related articles and, most of all, tweeting. The latest of my activities, tweeting, was something I picked up from a girl a long-ish time ago. Why I revived it now… who knows? My only guess is that it was possibly an outlet for me. I have loads of statements floating around in my mind. I even have full-blown conversations with myself occasionally… not OUT LOUD… well, at least not all the time… but I have never really found the right medium to express myself? Is that it? Not sure.

I’m in a foreign land. That shouldn’t matter too much to me because I’m unbelievably confident, perhaps even over-confident… at least that’s what I kept telling myself… but something just wasn’t clicking. The people were great! Banter came so naturally to most of them and anyone who can read minds would know that I crave good banter  – but I just couldn’t click with any of them, you know? It felt like I was surrounded by talking mannequins. They may look pretty but somehow it just isn’t right. Don’t get me wrong, the place is great, the people are great and I’m still me but I always felt like that odd piece in the jigsaw… like that one piece you can’t fit anywhere in Tetris. Fitting in just wasn’t working… I mean I had several acquaintances but no real friends. I was cool with several people but tight with none of them… except for the one guy with the unbelievably goofy and frankly sometimes terrifying smile – but he only ever popped up in the world BEHIND the mirror, forever out of reach.

So I had a dilemma. How to fix it? Oooh, I know! Let’s visit that place where everyone voices their opinion. Maybe you’ll find like for like. Maybe you’ll find friends. That’s what I told myself and I bolted, like a very thirsty desert rat after a distant oasis. Only that oasis wasn’t really an oasis. You just gotta hate mirages because that’s all Twitter was. It was a beautiful mirage. But it was never real. The same thing occurred. My electric personality (LOL) earned me a cult following. I was added to group chats by people I did not know. I received direct messages from people who liked the positive impact I had on their lives. I poured hours and hours of my time in to fragile, frankly meaningless relationships with people who probably wouldn’t shed a tear if I died today. Whoa that came out sounding terribly morbid. Even I didn’t know that’s what I was thinking all along, but there you have it.

So… I’m done. I’ve said my goodbyes. I’ve spoken time and time again about the importance of (I bet you guessed it) time. I can’t go on not doing the things that’ll progress my life.

What am I doing here then? Is this any different? Well, I’ve always wanted to write. To compile my thoughts, unaltered by others’ opinions. This is the perfect platform for that I think. If it turns out awry I’m prepared to try something else… not because I’m a quitter but because I’m learning to realise what’s not good for me a lot quicker. I might go back to Twitter one day; I want to be famous after all. Not just so that I could walk on the red carpet with Margot Robbie and Cara Delevigne (although I would donate certain parts of my body gleefully to do just that) but because I’d have the platform to share what really matters to me. I’d have the megaphone required to really, definitively impact every life positively. And that’s something I wasn’t doing as much because I would spend every other waking moment chasing after what is a mirage for the time being.

What about the loneliness I’ve been feeling according to this post? I read somewhere that your talents will bring people towards you, kings even. So I’ll focus on being the best I can be in what I do and those people that I need in my life will come. After reading a certain someone’s blog, can’t even pronounce their long ass name if I tried, it hit me that I’ve been foolish for a long while. I’ve never truly been alone, I just chose to see it like that. Time to change my perspective.

Thanks for reading this. Be blessed.

Yours sincerely,

Joe

Imaginary Conversation (With A Pretty Girl)

Boy: Hey

Girl: Uhm… Hello.

Boy: You’re really pretty.

Girl: Well you’re really straightforward!

Boy: I was told honesty is the best policy.

Girl: That’s rather cliché of you, don’t you think?

Boy: Cliché? Maybe it is… my source of advice isn’t very… young shall I say.

Girl: Next you’re going to tell me your source of advice is your Grandma.

Boy: *feigns it but it looks like genuine surprise* Wait… you know her? How did you know? Have you met her before?

Girl: What? No. *laughs*

Boy: Ah. There we go. Mission complete. *Stands up to leave*

Girl: Wait… So that’s it? *raises eyebrow* That’s all you’ve got?

Boy: What? I think you may have mistaken my intentions, miss.

Girl: Oh I see. Well that was rather uninspiring. I’m disappointed.

Boy: I guess I failed my mission *moves to sit down*

Girl: No, no, it’s fine. No need to sit down again. I’m actually waiting for a friend so you might as well head on your way.

Boy: I seem to have offended you. Might I ask how?

Girl: *scoffs* I’m not offended. I’m just surprised.

Boy: By what exactly?

Girl: I expected more than just a “mission complete”. That came off as rather lame don’t you think?

Boy: You want to hear something awesome about that?

Girl: What?

Boy: … to be honest I wasn’t expecting you to respond so I didn’t have an answer ready.

Girl: *laughs* Oh my God, you’re hopeless!

Boy: See? That’s it! Right there! That’s what I was trying to do.

Girl: *wipes away tears* to prove how hopeless you are?

Boy: Well there’s that, but more importantly to make you laugh. That was my mission.

Girl: *sarcastically* That’s rather gallant of you.

Boy: I wouldn’t say that to be honest but it’s something I’ve always believed in. Making people happier than they were before I met them. I saw you sitting there with God knows what on your mind and I just had to try and make you laugh. You did, hence mission accomplished! *flashes her a toothy grin*

Girl: Maybe you aren’t so hopeless after all. I guess I should say thank you?

Boy: No need. But so as not to be impolite, you’re welcome… in actual fact I should be the one to thank you!

Girl: *quizzical look* Now why is that?

Boy: I don’t always accomplish my mission. Some people just won’t have a stranger chat with them no matter their intent.

Girl: Maybe it’s because we mustn’t talk to strangers?

Boy: Who’s being cliché now? *pointed look, gentle smile*

Girl: *smiles back* Touché.

Boy: You want to hear something astounding?

Girl: Surprise me.

Boy: You’ve done a great job cheering me up by talking to me. I really appreciate it. Thank you. *rises*

Girl: Wait… you’re joking right? Really? You looked you’re doing the same thing as before.

Boy: Ah yes but this time I’m leaving you with a smile on your face. Have a good night…?

Girl: *raises eyebrow* I’m guessing I’m supposed to fill in my name? *laughs*

Boy: I guess I’ll call you Aida.

Girl: What an odd name… why Aida?

Boy: It means happy and judging by the look on your face it’s accurate and it suits you… It’s been a pleasure meeting you Aida.

Girl: Hmmm. At least I’ve learned something new today. May I ask? What’s your name?

Boy: Call me Joe.

Girl: Joe… you’re not so regular are you?

Joe: I’d like to think so. Thanks. Hopefully I’ll see you around, Aida?

Girl: Vanessa… It’s Vanessa. And yes. I hope I’ll see you around too.

The End

 

 

If I Had A Superpower

The idea of human beings with supernatural abilities has fascinated me from as early as I can remember. I guess it doesn’t help that I was born during the golden age of animation. Because of my exposure to animated characters with ‘abilities’ and what I believe is the natural human behaviour of seeking out things “beyond normal”, I spent a considerable period of time wishing I had superpowers… and I still do.

I guess it really took hold of me when I watched the movie, Spider-Man, starring Tobey Maguire. A regular (perhaps even sub-regular) high school kid developed spider-like abilities after being bitten by a radioactive spider. He transformed totally and became someone even remotely worthy of emulation. I chased spiders down, alright! They never bit me, thank God, but that certainly wasn’t for lack of trying.

Then came one of my favourite songs after having featured on “Space Jam”‘s soundtrack titled, “I Believe I Can Fly”. Thank the Lord our house was a single storey building or I wouldn’t be able to share this story at all (because I’d be dead or lame). I then grew up (if only physically) and moved on to immerse myself in books, movies, tv shows and animation centred around superhuman individuals. I immersed myself so much so that I would spend any spare moment in bed creating worlds and stories with me (or a character I called “myself”) as the protagonist; imbued with supernatural powers often on a quest to save humanity in as aesthetically pleasing a manner as possible.

When I pranced into adolescence the focus shifted from looking cool and enjoying myself to looking cool and enjoying myself while winning some girl’s (or girls’) heart(s) over. Those were good times. Unfortunately I don’t do that anymore. Perhaps because when I’m in bed all I want to do is sleep. Maybe I should try start again? It did keep my imagination active. Leave your suggestions in the comments.

“What powers would I give myself ?” you ask. Said powers would range from controlling the weather to just ice or any one of the elements. Super-speed and control over lightning were among my favourites. Mind-reading and mind-manipulation (don’t judge me). Super-strength, invisibility, you name it, I day-dreamt it! How I would acquire these powers would vary. Sometimes I would be in a very difficult spot and they’d naturally manifest due to extreme distress. Other times I had to BELIEVE. And often I would have an encounter with a supernatural being, perhaps saving them in an act of selflessness. I would then be granted a wish or given powers as a reward for my bravery. It goes without saying that the supernatural being would be a girl oftentimes because puberty dictated it so. Over time I singled out the one superpower I loved more than all the rest. The power of super-speed.

“Why super-speed?” you ask. Well super-speed catered for each and every stage of my growing up. In the very early stage it would allow me to show off. Athletics was probably the most exciting of the sports in school and with super-speed I’d be a guaranteed winner in every race. There was also the fact that I could steal anything without being noticed, play a prank on anyone without being caught, read answers from my textbook during the exam and more so fast that I would never have to worry about anything. As I got older, *ahem… puberty*, I came to the realisation that although invisibility would allow me to peek and do some of the naughtier things in life, it would not allow me to get away if somehow caught in the act. This is my blog (LOL) so I’m going to elaborate whether you like it or not. If you want to save yourself you might want to skip to the next paragraph. So it came across me that invisibility would allow me to peek at girls in the shower. That was an attractive prospect, unfortunately I’d still be tangible. I would also still be audible and just as fast as I am normally. On top of that I wouldn’t be able to reach places I normally wouldn’t be able to reach etc. In that frame of mind, peeking would become a whole lot more difficult to do without being found out. Embarrassing as it may be, these thoughts plagued the early adolescent version of myself. If I was unable to move out of the way when some unexpected development occurred my presence would be noted, albeit anonymous. Now that I say it it does sound quite exciting but the danger would be too great. With super speed I could be behind said person all day without being found out. I’d move too fast for sound to pick up and if they turned around I’d move at the same speed as their head turned to not be noticed. (Yes a younger me thought about all of this. I’m as shocked as you are to find this out now that I’m writing it all down). Along with many other fine points which I will discuss at another point, super-speed is an ability you can find useful throughout the day at any point in time. Wherein something like flying, invisibility or mind-reading, although wonderful, can only be used at certain times.

Now that I’m in my early twenties I realise that time is of essence. No other super power, except perhaps one that manipulates time allows you to have “more time”. Super-speed does. With super-speed I would be able to complete my tasks rapidly. As time is a relative quantity, the very fact that I could move faster than everything else would make life “slow down” in relation to me, allowing me to have more time than others on this glorious earth. Of that time, more would be allotted to the things I care about as all the annoying but necessary tasks would be completed as quickly as possible (and that would be very quick with these powers). Imagine finishing every assignment in a day… studying for your whole degree in an hour. That would be possible with the super-speed ability. Exams wouldn’t need to last that long and one could find out what they’re best at since they have all the time in the world to try out everything… if not they have all the time in the world to master what they are not good at. If I had super-speed it wouldn’t have taken me this long to finish typing this blog. If you had super-speed you would have finished reading it much sooner and would have gone on to do what mattered most to you… and possibly finished that too.

Here’s to super speed! If I get a new body after death I pray I have it.