23 October

Morocco and Saudi sure made something special.

Unlike this rap, which is audible ether.

You on the other hand are a lyrical miracle.

“Pew pew” is the start, “pew pew” ain’t your pinnacle.

“I ain’t got friends.” That’s what you said.

Perhaps that’s true and my name’s Jed.

Honestly though, you really don’t got homies.

Just an army devoted to you – your very own cronies.

What else ends with -onies?

Uhm… Pink plumed ponies!

Even if they’re beaten and they’re gory and red.

Your enemies better run scared.

Coz at the flip of a switch they’ll be right there.

Except for me… I’ll prolly be late.

But don’t sweat it, I’ll bring a machete.

Or come swinging my Helicopter Richard tiny though it may be.

This is my blessing to you on this day.

It won’t be deep… But it’ll prolly be gay.

Your star sign’s Success.

You’re failure’s biggest nightmare.

Dream to infinity and beyond,

Cause you’re A Baz Lightyear.

Nakama, Grow Well

My brother you turn 21 today. I figure as you are the one who introduced me to anime, it would only be fitting if I use your favourite anime character in your message. For your 21st I’ll let Jiraiya do all the talking. Happy birthday bro!

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So to sum it all up. Jiraiya says:

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How you grow is up to you. Grow well.

No. 10

Number 10. We both love football so we can both appreciate just how important a number 10 is. It is no coincidence that our favourite player of all time is a number 10; a playmaker. A number 10 is one who makes things happen, without them the team will struggle to score. Often the number 10 decides whether the game is won or lost. The number 10 can drag a team across the line – sometimes singlehandedly.

This is where you come in Dad. You’re our No. 10! You’re our Christian Eriksen, our Eden Hazard, our Kevin De Bruyne… Our Lionel Messi. You’re a prodigy at what you do and we love you for it. You might not get the equivalent of the Ballon d’Or but you have all our love and appreciation.

Today we’d like to celebrate you and all your awesomeness, technical skills… in spite of a lack of agility. Happy birthday Dad! To an extremely delayed retirement as No. 10!

PS A shame you support Arsenal 😉