Set The World On Fire

Read the title again…

 

 

Have a good day.

Advertisements

When You Truly Love

I will love someone who meets these requirements…

Response

When you truly love someone you’ll make your requirements meet THEM

Compliment

You look absolutely stunning in that dress…

More so without it…

I kid. I’m just playing…

But you really are gorgeous.

You make me appreciate the gift of sight.

Why?

Because you’re a gift.

I’m glad to be here right now.

What? No, it can’t be lust.

Can one lust after art?

Perfection.

Actually – it’s subjective perfection.

I’ve chosen to accept you flaws and all.

So that you seem perfect.

Because you are to me.

“You’re smoothtalking!”

No. I’m complimenting you.

Comments based purely on honesty, not flattery.

With these words I try to show a glimpse of your value to me.

 

End Note

I believe paying loved ones compliments is essential. Not only does it let them know that you appreciate them, it gives them confidence and strengthens your relationship. The only guideline would be to be honest. It’s best to be genuine with compliments lest they be empty words and that can normally show resulting in a detrimental effect. So when it comes to compliments, sincerity is key.

Don’t Break His Heart

“Don’t break his heart, his achy breaky heart. I just don’t think you understand.”

Bastille’s cover of ‘We Can’t Stop’ is nothing short of incredible, especially for me. I know how taste differs from person to person so I will say that line in particular strikes a chord in me.

I considered writing about a man with a heart of steel just the other day, I still might because come to think of it it’s an intriguing concept. But a heart of steel – that’s normally a façade. Men have hearts of flesh too.

“Women are more in touch with their emotions.”

Is this a stereotype? I hear this statement often. It’s often coupled with another statement diminishing emotion in men. I can’t speak for all men but from my own personal experience what you see on the outside doesn’t necessarily correlate with what’s on the inside.

I’m rarely envious (this comes with a lot of effort from myself and my parents) but there is a group of people that I can honestly say I’m envious of… those who cry. I’d give a lung to be like that. Unfortunately I’m not. My tear glands are among the most miserly in all the world. How I wish it were not so. I’ll be happy as can be on the inside but unable to show it on the outside. It makes me feel like I’ve cheated whoever has made me happy. If it can be fixed trust me, I will do just that… but this links to the crux of this post. I fail to show my emotions as well as I’d like… that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. It is just like a bride behind her veil by the altar. Just because she’s hidden behind her veil doesn’t mean she’s not there. If you remove the veil you’ll see her in all her beauty. If you can remove the veil to a man’s emotions. Well… I believe it could be a wonderful thing.

Bastille adds lines to the song which didn’t exist prior, in Miley Cyrus’ original. The added lined are: “Don’t break his heart, his achy breaky heart. I just don’t think you understand…”

Achy breaky… doesn’t that just bleed vulnerability to you? His heart isn’t steel – it’s just brittle.

Even the way he sings has a brokenness to it. It’s almost like he’s screaming out: there’s a heart to be broken underneath all that macho bravado. The pain of it being broken is just as real. It’s just hard to understand.

Why

Why?

We all die in the end right?

So… tell me: Why?

Why wake up in the morning?

Why make friends?

Why strive for anything?

Why try to stay alive?

After all in the end no one survives it – death.

So – why?

Why work hard?

Why fall in love?

Why do all of this if the end is inevitable?

Why?

 

The Response

Why not?

 

Rejected

“Unfortunately you’re not what we’re looking for at the moment.”

“You have shown great credentials but unfortunately you will not be…”

“You’re great but…”

No.

 

Rejection sucks! There’s nothing like giving your best or opening yourself up only to have someone else decide you’re not good enough. Very few of us take rejection well, I’m definitely still learning and have a lot more to do but I’ve been given some advice that has helped make it easier. It’s still pretty damn hard though.

Rejection comes in all forms… maybe even literal ones. You apply for a job, scholarship, internship, raffle prize – and you’re told you won’t be receiving it. Sometimes you don’t even get that courtesy and you’re left guessing for ages until you figure out that it was a “no”. Humans don’t like hearing that, “no”. It hurts. How most people circumvent the painful feelings is by saying things like, “I never wanted it anyway.” or even “I’m too good for that place.” Although it may numb the heart a bit to the pain, this is one of the worst ways we can react. It is widely accepted that a key component of growth is, ironically, acceptance. You know who reacts badly when not getting what they want, every single time? Babies. As we grow we have to learn that sometimes things don’t always go our way. At some point in your life you will get rejected. #Fact

I guess rejection helps give life purpose. If you had everything at your disposal at all times, with no effort required – what would be the point? I know you’re probably saying “I’d rather have things fall on my lap all the time than feel the sting of rejection even once,” I sympathise with you even as I type this, but I believe it’s something programmed deep inside of us that makes us want to succeed and break barriers. How can you succeed when there is no competition, no opposition? What barriers are you breaking when everything goes your way instantly?

The good thing is this and I’ll ask that you hold on to it.

‘Rejection will let you know that you are aiming high enough’.

If everything is moving smoothly without a hitch then you aren’t extending yourself. It’s like going to the gym and doing a session with 50 g masses. It will be easy to do because it’s not hard for your body. The heavier the weight the more difficult it is to complete sets. You know you’re at your level when you can just about finish/fail to finish. Anything less is too lightweight for you. So rejoice for a little rejection, you’re in good company.

Then comes the matters of the heart. I so wish that love was a feeling that one could concoct in a pot and dish out at parties. I wish cupid actually existed and would shoot love arrows at whoever you aimed at. But that’s not how things work, those are just wishes. Regarding this sensitive issue, there are several definitions of love. I have one that I think is consistent with how people that say they love each other act (or should act). Here it is:

Love is wanting to do what’s best for someone at all times. Love is a choice, not a feeling that just magically happens.

If love is a choice, if you have to choose to do the very best for someone at all times then surely you can choose not to? As beings of free will we deal with choices daily and therein lies the conflict. I could want to do the very best for you, always… sometimes you may even know it, but you just won’t have it. It’s your choice. You may be the best thing for said person in the whole wide world – but even though we know broccoli is really good for us, many people still despise it.

So sometimes you will get rejected. If there’s anything you’re going to take from this blog post, take that! Everyone gets rejected. Even though you may feel like you’re alone – like your pain is your own and no one else feels like you do, the person you’re looking up to right now was rejected one way or another. This should help you to move on and try again with even more zeal, more enthusiasm. The feelings of pain and frustration, use  them to motivate you so that you don’t feel the same way again. After rejection ask yourself these 3 questions:

  • “What is it I can improve?”
  • “Am I the reason for this rejection?”
  • “Is it worth trying again?”

The last one is a bit tricky but unfortunately sometimes we reach that crossroads when we need to know to let something go, especially when it comes to relationships. Human beings are stubborn creatures, sometimes they won’t budge no matter how much you shower them with love and attention. It’s funny how a majority of us are attracted to those who don’t care at all about us and sometimes don’t even acknowledge our existence yet there’s someone out there willing to love you as much as you’re willing to love your “crush”.

In the end, failure or rejection doesn’t define you. ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ It’s not that you were rejected that matters… It’s all about what you do after.

 

Inspired

It’s 21:33 as I write this in my room. I hear a train bouncing along train-tracks not too far away. Sweet music interspersed with footsteps somewhere down below. The singer has a male voice, not too incredible but soulful, passionate; more than enough to draw one’s attention… more than enough to make one wish to be musically gifted. Do you ever feel the same? Whenever I come into contact with someone displaying their talent I go through these 3 phases:

  1. I am awed.
  2. I appreciate them via word of mouth or internally.
  3. I become inspired.

That third bit is what I am going to talk about today.

Inspiration, motivation, stimulation, catalysis. My nerves just light up like fireworks whenever I hear that perfect score in a movie *note SpiderMan (Raimi) and Unlimited Blade Works*. I can feel the goosebumps crawl up my skin whenever I hear that pitch perfect voice. My pulse races when I reach the climax of that 1000+ paged fantasy novel I randomly picked up somewhere, or witness Lionel Messi score the winning goal in El Clasico. There’s just something about talented people working that energizes me… and I love it!

I become a different person when I’m inspired, in my opinion a better person as well. I would strongly disagree with anyone who claims that I have an inferiority complex, quite the opposite I’m afraid, but I would understand the sentiment. I often do walk down the street thinking I’m not good enough. That’s because in my mind I’ve set this incredibly high bar of moments where I have felt magnificent, of a character whose personality embodies the very best of all of my traits. When I’m inspired I push this character through the monotonic self I sometimes clothe myself with. For example:

Someone: Hey how are you today?

Me: I’m good. How are you?

While you may see nothing wrong with that exchange inspired me would be absolutely appalled. Inspired me is instantly suave, honest, jovial, comedic, witty, compassionate, bold and a lot more. He refuses mediocrity and would rather be shut in a cell than be drab even for one second.

It’s crazy isn’t it? How watching something, listening to something can make one change their perspective so radically. It’s a sort of high that dies down with time but one I relish. This is why it’s important to note what you watch as well as what you listen to. Seeing someone do fantastic things makes me want to do everything to the best of my ability.

I watched Spiderman: Homecoming last night. It was raining and I would have missed the bus unless I ran for it. So I RAN. Inspired as I was I ran faster than at any point previously. I’ve never truly pushed myself on the track-field, why would I? My heart was never in it… But I ran for that bus and stressed every sinew to extend my stride. I could feel the thudding of my feet as they beat across the wet surface. I glided across the street and felt like how Bolt must have felt when he broke the record in Beijing ’08. I felt ecstatic, pulse-racing as I caught the bus. I was even content stepping out of it when I realised it was the right number bus but going in the wrong direction. Why? Because I was inspired.

What Lovely Weather We Have Today

Conversation go to number 1:

What lovely weather we have today.

Yes – nobody likes that as an opening line but it’s so passive and pc (politically correct) that one with no originality or boldness has to go for it. After all it’s very difficult to be mad at someone who says such a noncommittal statement, right?

Hello there. My name is Ayanda.

In the mind of the person hearing that I feel there may be a resounding:

So…? What does that have to do with me?

Or an even more heartbreaking:

Ok?

A simple name introduction is unique in that everybody has a name catered just to them (unless you’re a John Smith) and hearing it should trigger some form of thought or emotional reaction. Telling someone your name also puts you out there as you’ve already exposed a huge part of who you are and offered it up for a possible rejection. During the exchange, even though it’s fairly simple, all this should be going on in the back of the pair’s mind. The initiator should know that once you’ve given your name you’ve handed the receiver the keys/control of where this conversation may go. They are absolutely entitled to shut down the conversation at this point and there is very little room for you to manoeuvre thereof unless you have something else to say which is particularly unique and original to your character.

Hello there! (Notice the change? Exclamation mark denoting excitement because I am naturally excited as an individual.)

My name is Ayanda. It means “one who goes telling people his name”. In some dialects it means “one who wants to know your name”.

Clearly that is not what the name means but that sentence is a genuine representation of myself. I would say something just as corny in daily conversation. If you were to spend time with me I would probably try to make you laugh with jokes of a similar structure. It is a trademark of who I am and such a sentence would remain consistent with the character they saw over time if we were to meet again. This is very important because conflict arises when expectation and reality are incompatible. So let’s say I’d read some clever quips to share on a first meeting or I channel a different persona for an interview; the people on the receiving end will feel deceived, cheated and cross when they discover that you aren’t the contents the packaging advertised. Do keep that in mind.

My name is Ayanda. It means “one who goes telling people his name”. In some dialects it means “one who wants to know your name”.

The way you would respond to that would also let me know quite a lot about how any future interactions would go. The person on the receiving end could do one of many things:

  1. State that that can’t possibly be what my name means. (I’d have to explain my humour all the time.)
  2. Do the above with added laughter (One of my favourite brand of people. We would get along for who doesn’t like someone who laughs at their jokes?)
  3. Ignore. (Entitled to do so as well. Probably wouldn’t get along.)
  4. Roll their eyes. (I find that more impressive than ignore. Depending on the vibe from the encounter it’s split between go home or press on.)
  5. Return with a joke of their own or oblige and share their own name. (Probably just ahead of 2 on my list of favourites.)
  6. Explicitly tell you the joke is lame. (Love their honesty. Also feel challenged to prove my humour has merit.)

There are numerous responses but much more options than the statement “what lovely weather we have today” can ever offer.

So the next time you want to talk to someone new, try something different but original to you. I guess that’s the moral of the story.