To Increase

To start this off if you ask Google you’ll find ‘Ayanda’ means to increase / they truly are increasing. Wherein increase = progression:

Therefore I cannot afford to be stagnant at any point in my life.

– this is a stolen quote XD

Normally at this point in time we like to look back and talk about all the good things that we can remember, all the great stuff we’ve done. I do that every other day though, that’s probably why I smile more than I should; so today I will do something different. I want to focus on what needs to be improved upon from this moment on.

Commitment is an issue. There I said it! It’s been easy for me to heavily invest in the things that matter the least, knowing full well that there are more important things to be done. I guess this is a fault of the illusion of time, that I have more than enough time to do what matters so I might as well enjoy myself for the time being. It’s also tied to a deeper rooted issue that I only just recently discovered, pride.

See I always thought a proud being is one who boasts about their achievements. “Look at me now! This is what I’ve done.” So I’ve tended to shy away from that except for the odd anti-self-deprecating humour. But the other definition kinda shocked me: self-satisfaction. That’s right, to be wholly satisfied with oneself. Self-esteem is very important, duh, but when it gets to the point where you think you already are the best version of yourself then you’re not only deluded, you’re prideful. And I was (hopefully not anymore?). That’s why I falsely believed that I could achieve anything (a good thing) without much effort (an absolutely awful mentality). This has to change or else stagnation won’t just be a possibility, it’ll be the only certainty and a sure fire way to regression.

Vision I have. Maybe even too much? You’d think with goals in front of me I’d be raring to go but the seemingly everlasting issue of long-term discipline, or shall I say lack thereof, has severely debilitated me. I have a plan for it. Start with the obvious things which you can see day by day. Drink that 2L of water daily, update this damn blog (I’m sorry baby you know I love you) at least once a week and make time to reflect on the day’s achievements every evening. Hopefully the next time I do this; this issue will finally be crossed off.

I come to the realisation that I am ever so good at making friends… too good at it. Keeping them however has been a real issue. I’ve encountered gems of human beings on this journey of mine. When I should have held on I went M.I.A misapplying a lesson learned in not overcommitting and doing a thoroughly negative 180°. I’ll be meeting up with a couple every now and then, perhaps even making a few phone calls to rekindle some flames, refurbish some bridges coz that’s all it should take, a little ‘refurbishment’. True friendship doesn’t die that easily.

Lastly I gotta learn to reciprocate love. I have a lovely family and I’ll be the first to admit it. I guess I’m the genius that doesn’t fully appreciate it and I’ve got to make steps in doing so. To be honest… I don’t know how to go about this one though. You’d think one who has been pampered would be a pro at pampering but here I am shocking you once more. SHOCK!

I pray my 22nd year on this planet will be more special than the 21 that preceded it and that these issues that have clearly been holding me back can finally, FINALLY be put to bed.


4 thoughts on “To Increase

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