Everyday is the same. Wake up. Eat. Clean. Eat again. Drive somewhere. Eat. Look for something productive to do. Don’t do it. Eat. Sit. Sleep. Repeat the next day. I need change. I need it now.
The days start blurring together. I dream the same dream when I go to sleep. I see a sea of black. There is no motion or sound. What are my ambitions? Who am I? What am I supposed to do? Is what I am doing enough? All these questions are meaningless. The wisest man to have ever lived had more sex than Brazzers… he says that was meaningless. He also happened to be a king (Solomon) and had wealth so vast that giving him riches was meaningless. Wealth, he determined, was meaningless. He lived a relatively long lavish life where he had little or no conflict and yet after it all he despised life and claimed that it was all meaningless.
Why break every bone in your body to achieve a goal? Why go through anything that might potentially give you wounds that will never heal, immaterial scars? If death is the ultimate result then why do anything? I don’t want to die but I will. I wish to do all of the things I am supposed to do before then. Why? I have no reasonable response to that question… except maybe…
Just do it.