I actually really like that salutation. I think I’ll use it from now on whenever I’m directing my thoughts, feelings at you, yes YOU you inanimate being. Or should I direct my content to my readers? (cue the negative half of me saying, “What readers?“) I’ll think about it. Anyway, to the point of this post. I feel sad. Yes that is an elementary level sentence but there’s no better way to describe the way I’m feeling right now. I just left the one thing that was keeping me together because it was also the one thing that was holding me back. I’ve decided it’s time to move on. This is where I say, “Goodbye Twitter.”
For the past 2 months (yes it seems kinda short but it really isn’t) every spare moment I had was basically spent doing one of three things: sleeping (duh), surfing the net about football related articles and, most of all, tweeting. The latest of my activities, tweeting, was something I picked up from a girl a long-ish time ago. Why I revived it now… who knows? My only guess is that it was possibly an outlet for me. I have loads of statements floating around in my mind. I even have full-blown conversations with myself occasionally… not OUT LOUD… well, at least not all the time… but I have never really found the right medium to express myself? Is that it? Not sure.
I’m in a foreign land. That shouldn’t matter too much to me because I’m unbelievably confident, perhaps even over-confident… at least that’s what I kept telling myself… but something just wasn’t clicking. The people were great! Banter came so naturally to most of them and anyone who can read minds would know that I crave good banter – but I just couldn’t click with any of them, you know? It felt like I was surrounded by talking mannequins. They may look pretty but somehow it just isn’t right. Don’t get me wrong, the place is great, the people are great and I’m still me but I always felt like that odd piece in the jigsaw… like that one piece you can’t fit anywhere in Tetris. Fitting in just wasn’t working… I mean I had several acquaintances but no real friends. I was cool with several people but tight with none of them… except for the one guy with the unbelievably goofy and frankly sometimes terrifying smile – but he only ever popped up in the world BEHIND the mirror, forever out of reach.
So I had a dilemma. How to fix it? Oooh, I know! Let’s visit that place where everyone voices their opinion. Maybe you’ll find like for like. Maybe you’ll find friends. That’s what I told myself and I bolted, like a very thirsty desert rat after a distant oasis. Only that oasis wasn’t really an oasis. You just gotta hate mirages because that’s all Twitter was. It was a beautiful mirage. But it was never real. The same thing occurred. My electric personality (LOL) earned me a cult following. I was added to group chats by people I did not know. I received direct messages from people who liked the positive impact I had on their lives. I poured hours and hours of my time in to fragile, frankly meaningless relationships with people who probably wouldn’t shed a tear if I died today. Whoa that came out sounding terribly morbid. Even I didn’t know that’s what I was thinking all along, but there you have it.
So… I’m done. I’ve said my goodbyes. I’ve spoken time and time again about the importance of (I bet you guessed it) time. I can’t go on not doing the things that’ll progress my life.
What am I doing here then? Is this any different? Well, I’ve always wanted to write. To compile my thoughts, unaltered by others’ opinions. This is the perfect platform for that I think. If it turns out awry I’m prepared to try something else… not because I’m a quitter but because I’m learning to realise what’s not good for me a lot quicker. I might go back to Twitter one day; I want to be famous after all. Not just so that I could walk on the red carpet with Margot Robbie and Cara Delevigne (although I would donate certain parts of my body gleefully to do just that) but because I’d have the platform to share what really matters to me. I’d have the megaphone required to really, definitively impact every life positively. And that’s something I wasn’t doing as much because I would spend every other waking moment chasing after what is a mirage for the time being.
What about the loneliness I’ve been feeling according to this post? I read somewhere that your talents will bring people towards you, kings even. So I’ll focus on being the best I can be in what I do and those people that I need in my life will come. After reading a certain someone’s blog, can’t even pronounce their long ass name if I tried, it hit me that I’ve been foolish for a long while. I’ve never truly been alone, I just chose to see it like that. Time to change my perspective.
Thanks for reading this. Be blessed.