Everyday Is Mother’s Day

I think about my birth, my gift of life gave you pain,

I think about the people in my life… some leave me but you always remain,

Even when I am your source of grief my joy is at the top of your list.

Even if you are cold to the bone, keeping me warm you cannot resist.

You’re the epitome of sacrifice, a close definition of love.

When I see you being selfless I see that there really is God above.

I see Him perform His acts through you,

As you care for me and my sister too.

Through being human, through being emotionally blind,

I had failed to see the truth, I had shutters on my mind,

But through some miracle, through some inexplicable event,

I finally see what I was supposed to see-something even my ignorance couldn’t prevent.

You are a rare gem, you are a bright beacon in a storm of darkness,

You are my favourite poem-all of you, including your bluntness.

All of my success I owe to you and your perseverance,

I owe it to your love, your attention, your constant vigilance.

Your prayers were not in vain;

I will be worth all that pain!

Through what won’t come , through what may,

By your side, Mom, I’ll forever remain.

PS This is a re-post from before I had a blog but it still applies perfectly

Advertisements

Step On The Scale

If your love were given weight class how would it measure up?

Would it be skinny love? Fragile to the touch? In need of constant nourishment or else death do you part?

Would it be fit love? Blossoming really quickly and active for the long run? Designed to thrive during strenuous activity?

Would it be fat love? Incapable of standing on its own? Even if it did – would it require a break every so often? The kind of love incapable of any problematic exercise?

Inspired by the song: ‘Skinny Love’ – Birdy

I Am

You are what you eat.

You are what you constantly listen to.

You are what you say you are.

Seems like the mouth is responsible for what we are and what we will become. For it is with the mouth that we eat, it is the mouth that speaks and it is the mouth (albeit someone else’s) that dictates what we hear.

I wonder what happens if you spend years saying: “I am not good enough. I don’t deserve this. I’m an idiot. This it too hard for me. I’m going to fail…”

Perhaps that’s what it takes to bring down a promising individual. Get them to say such things over and over, in their mind, in their heart and with the lips.

What about those that hear these negative things said to them? Haven’t there been success stories among those with bad/unsupportive parents? I think that means the opposite can be true. A non-success story in the presence of ultra-supportive parents and to be frank – that is terrifying. 

Haven’t there been success stories among those with bad/unsupportive parents? Well luckily there have. You know what that means? There is a solution! A suitable workaround. If you can say to yourself over and over positive things, only the things that you want – it’ll supersede that which you hear. Imagine if you were to proclaim in your mind, in your heart and with your lips: “I am capable.” What do you think would happen then? Picture it, the person you would be now if daily you said: “I am a genius. There is nothing too hard for me! I will succeed! I am creative! I provide solutions to problems! I am disciplined! I am organised! I am successful! I am rich!”

As easy as that sounds to do on paper maybe you haven’t heard it enough to say it and believe it. This is where Youtube comes into place. If no one in your life is willing to affirm positivity, find them online, they will be there. Listen to them on repeat until you mould your plasticine brain to adapt. Then say it to yourself and share the change.

I challenge you to start the day with saying: “I am – “. Fill in the blank with what you want.

That’s what I will be doing.

Wise Beyond Your Years

We were eating porridge at your parents’ place in Bulawayo what feels like yesterday but was actually about 17 years ago. The porridge wasn’t made the way I was used, there was not much flavour, sweetness or love. It was bland as cardboard but I ate it all without complaint. Why? I wouldn’t be upstaged by the little girl sitting across the table from me silently wolfing down her meal. After all I was older than her by a year and a bit, I still am.

Sunlight lazily trickled in through a slit between the curtains. Inside the lights were still on as it was actually quite early in the morning; the rooster next door had only just cleared his throat. Our fathers chatted and joked about something in a distant room, annoyingly energetic. Soon – alongside the clinking of metal spoons against ceramic bowls and slurping of kids with minimal table manners – came the excited chirps of a bird outside, presumably waking from its slumber. Not long after there was a sudden squeak and then silence…

“Ah!” I figured, “The neighbourhood cat has got it. After all it’s black. It must belong to a witch.”

That had to be it. I went back to eating that porridge, slow half spoonful after painfully slow half spoonful, reluctant but also determined because every so often the little girl would look up from her bowl to check my progress as if curious if I was eating live worms or something equally disgusting. I guess that’s what my face portrayed. That’s when I noticed the room was quiet. Too quiet. Wasn’t there muted conversation a minute ago? Didn’t I hear laughter from Dad earl- DAD!

That’s when I heard it. The car engine running just outside. It certainly wasn’t running as fast as my feet as I opened the door even before my spoon finally clunked against the floor. My father was leaving with the little girl’s father in their truck. I could see him smiling as they reversed into the street. As soon as the the wheel left the driveway and hit the tarmac so too did warm, salty tears hit my cheek. Personally I would like to forget this little outburst ever happened.

“Dad don’t leave me! I want to come too! Don’t leave meeeeeeehhhhhhh!”

But I can’t forget. I doubt I ever will. Why? Because the little girl casually sauntered up to me puzzled beyond belief and laughed:

“You’re older than me and still cry when your dad goes to work? And you’re a boy? Aa! He’ll be back in the evening.”

She was right. I went back to finish my porridge, salty tears drying on my cheeks. I couldn’t be bested twice in succession. The porridge had to go. As for my dad, he did come back just as the little girl had predicted. She may be graceful now but back then there was none of that. As soon as he walked into the house she whispered into my ear:

“I told you.”

P.S. Happy 21st baby cousin. I wish you many more fun-filled days in the future and may you always remain wise beyond your years.

Is That You Mommy? Close Enough!

Ever-present. Ever giving advice.

Ever honest, be it brutal or nice.

Today we celebrate with you once again.

Grateful for the person you have always been.

(As a result of your impact)

The people you’ve blessed gather today.

Honoured and glad we proudly proclaim:

“Happy birthday!” the crowd roars.

We wish you many more… and more… and MORE!

 

Aunty Megi

Careful Not To Eat Your Fingers

Oh God that Twix joke was so freaking awful – so much so that I won’t forget it. Truly speaking ever since then we’ve been true nakama. Some Naruto-Sasuke level friendship wherein no matter how much you may occasionally annoy me, and no matter how much cringe I may induce, we’ve always got each other’s backs.

I probably would have imploded were I to have gone through these last three years by myself. But I’m still here and I’m still in a “stable” mental state – and a large part of that is down to you.

I truly am glad to have gone through the past three years with you; ups and downs included! As you turn 22 I look forward to seeing more growth: I look forward to seeing you graduate, develop super successful apps and earning six (correction N-I-N-E!) figure income in Texas! There is a lot to be excited for and if there’s anyone I believe in to make it to the very top it’s you!

Happy 22nd Birthday mofos!

Sincerity: A Prayer

Dear God,

I miss you. I love you. Thank you SO much! I’m… devastated.

What does it take to be sincere? To say the words above and say them with your heart and soul?

Does it take a tragedy for me to be crushed in spirit? Can I be so happy I can’t say a thing at all? What does it take to be sincere?

“I so glad to see you. I really missed you guys.”

8880 km, 23 HOURS  from Seoul to London. All just to see her friends.

That’s sincere.

Crying when it was time to say goodbye.

That’s sincerity.

God, please teach this robot genius to be sincere.

 

Validation

“Trust me – lean on me – that is what I’m here for.

Give me your heart! I promise I’ll take care of it.

I’ll shield it with my arms – with my soul if I have to.

For your peace of mind there’s nothing that I won’t do.

 

 

“Why?” you ask me.

“Well it’s because I am benevolent.”

I lie through my teeth with a smile so innocent.

“Lies!” I say I whisper shortly after a moment’s hesitation.

“Honestly speaking? I just needed your validation.”

To Increase

To start this off if you ask Google you’ll find ‘Ayanda’ means to increase / they truly are increasing. Wherein increase = progression:

Therefore I cannot afford to be stagnant at any point in my life.

– this is a stolen quote XD

Normally at this point in time we like to look back and talk about all the good things that we can remember, all the great stuff we’ve done. I do that every other day though, that’s probably why I smile more than I should; so today I will do something different. I want to focus on what needs to be improved upon from this moment on.

Commitment is an issue. There I said it! It’s been easy for me to heavily invest in the things that matter the least, knowing full well that there are more important things to be done. I guess this is a fault of the illusion of time, that I have more than enough time to do what matters so I might as well enjoy myself for the time being. It’s also tied to a deeper rooted issue that I only just recently discovered, pride.

See I always thought a proud being is one who boasts about their achievements. “Look at me now! This is what I’ve done.” So I’ve tended to shy away from that except for the odd anti-self-deprecating humour. But the other definition kinda shocked me: self-satisfaction. That’s right, to be wholly satisfied with oneself. Self-esteem is very important, duh, but when it gets to the point where you think you already are the best version of yourself then you’re not only deluded, you’re prideful. And I was (hopefully not anymore?). That’s why I falsely believed that I could achieve anything (a good thing) without much effort (an absolutely awful mentality). This has to change or else stagnation won’t just be a possibility, it’ll be the only certainty and a sure fire way to regression.

Vision I have. Maybe even too much? You’d think with goals in front of me I’d be raring to go but the seemingly everlasting issue of long-term discipline, or shall I say lack thereof, has severely debilitated me. I have a plan for it. Start with the obvious things which you can see day by day. Drink that 2L of water daily, update this damn blog (I’m sorry baby you know I love you) at least once a week and make time to reflect on the day’s achievements every evening. Hopefully the next time I do this; this issue will finally be crossed off.

I come to the realisation that I am ever so good at making friends… too good at it. Keeping them however has been a real issue. I’ve encountered gems of human beings on this journey of mine. When I should have held on I went M.I.A misapplying a lesson learned in not overcommitting and doing a thoroughly negative 180°. I’ll be meeting up with a couple every now and then, perhaps even making a few phone calls to rekindle some flames, refurbish some bridges coz that’s all it should take, a little ‘refurbishment’. True friendship doesn’t die that easily.

Lastly I gotta learn to reciprocate love. I have a lovely family and I’ll be the first to admit it. I guess I’m the genius that doesn’t fully appreciate it and I’ve got to make steps in doing so. To be honest… I don’t know how to go about this one though. You’d think one who has been pampered would be a pro at pampering but here I am shocking you once more. SHOCK!

I pray my 22nd year on this planet will be more special than the 21 that preceded it and that these issues that have clearly been holding me back can finally, FINALLY be put to bed.

Thanks.

The Best Landlady

Hey there. It’s me your former tenant; remember?

I used to live in your place 21 years ago.

I’ve just come back to say thanks again.

I’m more grateful for your care than you’ll never know.

 

I was broke without a penny to my name.

The warmth you offered to this day is unrivalled.

Offering me your inner room without shame.

Prepared for me long before my arrival.

 

You fed me well too.

All free of charge!

As a former tenant of your womb.

I can confirm you are the best landlady.